Give this rose to everyone you want to anally devastate:
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"My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, "If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately." Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- "Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your profile gave me cancer anyway."

I've started using Shrek as a unit of time, where 1 shrek = 1hr 35min (the length of the movie)

Examples: "See you in a shrek!" (1hr 35min) "Dinner will be ready in half a shrek." (47.5min)

"My birthday is only 469.9 shreks away!" (1 month)

hey, sorry I saw your profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, i really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don't know why its a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play l4d2 sometime its a really cool zombie game with a lot of scary moments, but don't worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy I don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk more you look really cute and nice xxx