Goons At War(game)

You are about to embark upon the Great Wargame Sequel, toward which we have striven these many years. The eyes of Games are upon you. The hopes and prayers of fun-hating Goons everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Forums, you will bring about the destruction of the Wehraboo warmachine, the elimination of alt-right tyranny over the oppressed peoples of the Warchat, and security for ourselves in a free world.

Your task will be an easy one. Your enemy is scrub-tier, low APM and ignorant of the meta. He will fight poorly.

But this is the year 2017! Much has happened since the release of Red Dragon. The pubbies have inflicted upon the Goons great defeats, in stomps, 4v4. Our lack of practice has seriously reduced our strength in the game and our capacity to stomp pubs into the ground.

I have full confidence in your courage and devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full Victory!

Good luck! And let us beseech the blessing of Lowtax upon this great and noble undertaking.